Lanzarote 2015 – Day 6 – Penes & Making Bacon

Today’s blog has absolutely nothing to do with food, pasta dish or breakfast. Those of you who Googled the word from yesterday know what is coming (no pun intended).
So far I have mentioned on quite a few occasions about the general area we have found ourselves in, from the numerous British Bars and restaurants to the abundance of Curry Houses and Chinese takeaways. What I haven’t mentioned so far is the other high street attraction that goes hand in hand with the rest of these, the so called tourist gift shops. Admittedly there are some very nice shops here – see previous blog re the most expensive Aftersun in the world but the majority are full of absolute crap. The first thing I noticed that they all had in common was just inside the door, on a shelf at eye level, would be several gold cats waving a paw, the sort you associate with Chinese Restaurants etc. This has now been explained as ALL of these outlets are owned and run by Chinese people.
Prada bags for €20, Boss belts for €10 and “genuine” Tommy Hilfiger for the same, you just knew that a bargain was to be had…….until you rounded the corner to the pottery section and in particular salt and pepper pots

Making penes (plural of penis for those of you that did not Google) in to condiment holders is one thing, painting the face and ears of a cat on top is bizarre if not down right weird. Just who buys this junk? Please note the large brown spots on the testes – I would be off to the clinic to check for STI if I had anything like that! Surely the one on the right is not an ashtray or worse a nice little dish for olives – oh dear I am feeling somewhat nauseous.

Apparently these are for tea or wine. The enclosed liquid to be drunk through the handy but anatomically correct hole in the end. Once again I can just imagine the difficult questions that some parents get faced with of an evening family shopping walk.
The Making Bacon refers to Mrs CT and I’s evening activity over our night cap. Nothing rude I assure you. No, it is the 15th International PTP competition. PTP? Pass the Pigs, a game invented in the mid eighties and purchased by yours truly in 1990. The set I have, I consider to be vintage and far superior to the modern sets that can be still purchased in such places as John Lewis and House of Frazer. Points are scored by throwing two pigs which can land in various positions such as Razorback, Snouter or the truly prized Double Leaning Jowler. If you manage to get the pigs to land in the following format you are immediately thrown out of the day’s game.

Sometimes I just want to watch the world go by as evidenced by Mrs CT’s candid snap of me in the bar last night. Ooh did I get a telling off! Unsure why. All I was trying to do was work out the accents (Manc or Scouse) of three new arrivals at the hotel who had just finished their degrees (or possibly A levels). Needless to say they had a lot of leg on show and definitely did not go by the name of Frank or Bert! (No they are not in the picture before anyone says that I should go to Specsavers).


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